Loving this way...

I mentioned a couple of blog entries ago that I am into country music. For as long as I can remember, this genre has always brought me nearer to my core personality - laid-back & big on home-and-hearth kind of gal :) There was a particular song called "In this life" that was sung by the great late Brother Iz from Hawaii that really tugged at my heart-strings. I looked-up the original singer, Collin Raye, and was pleased to find that he's country and I've been fascinated by his songs ever since.

Tonight I listened to his duet with Bobbie Eakes, 'Loving this way', and was touched by the simple yet sincere honesty of a love that had gone awry. Usually, I'd only want to collect feel-good songs. But since it was Collin Raye, I wanted to keep this one, as somehow... there is one thing that I can agree on in the lyrics. That is, we "could get tired of loving this way"...loving someone despite all their weaknesses but feeling worn-out at the same time, and feeling like things are not working out, and that whether we should have hooked-up in the first place...

A close friend is currently experiencing this kind of love and my heart goes out to her. It hurts even more when the love relationship is one that you've actually committed to and had seen you marry your best friend... Based on my modest love experiences, this much I know, that in such a situation, no matter how positive you can get on the outside, your insides are raw from loving this-a-way, or that... Hence, I am all for empathizing all we can to those going through, whatever it is they're going through. 'Cos truly, in all honesty, their story is your story also...

I continue to walk through this life with my buddy, Wendell :) Yes, there are good days, and there are bad. And I know, that I am not all that he needs in his life; and that even as I know this, I too, am in a new place in my life where for the first time, I really have to figure out how to live for myself. To bother with questions like, what is it that I really want to do? That Wendell might not do but that I would want to? To some of you dear readers, it must be inconceivable to imagine how two people can strike two paths yet commit to walk together alongside. For that, I have no further clarifications, as I am still in the early days yet of this kind of journeying :)

However, perhaps... there is one thing that I can say for now...and I will use Wendell's words here tonight... The other day, after having gone out of town for his photography work (2 back-to-back weddings), Wendell and I, and Kimo, met up at Daven and Abby's wedding. It was wonderful to see him; if Kimo could, he would say that too. Later, I asked Wendell as to what went through his mind when he saw me and Kimo that day, and he said that there was just an overwhelming sense of "home" running through him. What a gift to hear that... Knowing that I, and now Kimo and I, am/are his home makes everything right in my/our world... and in that respect, I believe, this connection - a symbolic 'holding of hands' - is helping us walk alongside and not tire so, as we love each other...