Sunday, sunday...

Well then, I have two blokes down with the flu... and I am left to my own devices for entertainment. What do I have to say? Yes! I am free as a bird, till for when they get up! So, I decide to nurse my puny little blog here to some semblance of what it was, before leaving Kamberra.

You know, I truly love to talk/share about some of these amazing and revealing things that I had gone through in life. But I tend to hold back, and wonder if I am not over much! Then after I've conquered my fear (like now), I don't know where to start! Hmmpff, girls! Really! ;) But, okay, here's about the time I went to visit a certain someone halfway around the world, only to be have my heart broken into a million pieces...

So, sigh, okay, there I was at a conference when I met this guy. Blond hair and blue-eyed, with a rugged jawline, what girl in me, didn't think that he was a fine catch! So, when after the conference, he invited me to sight-see his hometown, I jumped at the chance. He was courteous to me all the time that I was there in his 'kampung'. I met a couple of his friends, and it was nice to meet them. A year later, I found myself visiting him again, joining him and another couple for a cruise! Wow, the crossing of the mighty Atlantic, and the places we went to... magical, wonderful, amazing...

However, at the end of that visit, Mr. Blond and I ended up in a funny sad way. All was not cut out to be, and these are some of the ugly pieces to the picture-perfect story above: 1) when I went to visit his town the first time round, he was not all that accommodating - it was more like he had spoken in haste, when inviting me out there the first time; 2) when I went to visit the second time round, his mom's eyes shot daggers out at me - I was obviously too low for her son; and perhaps the most pathetic is 3) the other 'couple' that joined us for the cruise was actually his ex and a guy friend from work. Needless to say, it was not a piece of cake sharing the same bunk with the ex of a guy that I had the hots for.

What happened next was too common in any love went awry. My sweet professions of love went over his head and down the drain, as he grappled with remnants of his feelings for the ex, and as he debated with his feelings for a future with me. That journey back to where I came from initially was tough, i.e., it must have been tough... but somehow today, I can't remember the minute details of it! Wonder why? Selective memory at its best? :) Anyway, what I do remember was the warmth of the sun as he and I watched people in the park; the cold of the wind up on the deck of that huge liner; the lazy sunny afternoon at his parents... then the downward spiral: the thwarted embrace; the stony silences; the long walks; the loneliness and regret from having become so vulnerable...

So, why does love make people do things that they've never done before, and hence, be seen as having done stupid things? Well, I dunno... but that's why the adage, "Love is blind" and "Only fools rush in" :) Well, I say a big fat 'Whatever! ...but thanks' to all the things of the past in the love department. Point is, one can always learn from the past, whether it was plain to see or not at the time. To strive to do otherwise will make me a complete fool. I think Mr. Blond today must be happy, and if I'm not mistaken, I see that he is when I happened on a recent photo of his with his child. I don't know whether his ex became the present missus though, as we lost touch quickly after the summer romance. As for me, this story has been so long ago that now if I think about it, I often feel that whatever it was, and might have been, we shouldn't wish ill on our past loves, cos everyone deserves to be happy!

p/s Speaking of exes, an ex wrote me recently to ask how life had treated me since, and was pleased that I had gone on a decent path, as did he. He said, "I'm glad to hear that you have gotten married and have a family on your own now, as that is really what life is all about". Indeed :)